"One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things." - Henry Miller - The late American writer
Where is one’s destination? Where is mine? Where is yours? The answer to these questions is simple. It is not a discussion needed to be had by great minds, great philosophers, great theologians. It does not require a great amount of pontification. The answer is simply “here and now“.
My name is Rudy Yanuck. I am a 48 year old retired pathologist, the 2010 Gateway Area Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society’s Father of the Year, and a 21 year survivor of multiple sclerosis. Though my life with MS is full of opportunities to live in the here and now, MS presents challenges each day. My family shares these struggles with me. I know it is not easy for them and I am truly grateful.
So many people, myself included, focus their time and energy searching for, agonizing over, what their destiny in the future may hold. Where they feel they should be in five, 10, 15 years. They fret over what could be, should be, might be, hope to be. They forget about what is, the NOW. They forget to appreciate, cherish, love what is right HERE in front of them. The NOW. Or worse yet, they only focus on the bad, and forget about the good. I wish I could say I've always lived in the here and now, but it wouldn't be true.Tonight I’d like to share with you some of those moments.
In the spring of my surgery internship at the Naval Hospital San Diego, in 1994, I felt as though I was on top of the world. Life could not get any better. About to finish the professionally most challenging, physically taxing year of which over twenty years later I am still most proud, followed by three years of flight surgery, then orthopedic surgery residency and career as an orthopod. This was my destiny!
During an ophthalmologic examination, an incidental MRI finding uncovered severe bilateral demyelination of my periventricular white matter, ultimately resulting in a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Just like that, my professional hopes and dreams, my destiny, vanished. The Navy forced me into a field of medicine I had never enjoyed, never considered, and in fact, had felt not really a true clinical specialty, pathology.
I did my pathology residency at the University of California, Irvine, a prestigious program, with some prestigious names in the field of pathology. I could not see that then. I was too busy mourning the loss of what could’ve been, should’ve been. I was too busy being angry at multiple sclerosis for what it had taken from me professionally. I was too busy fighting accepting what was there in front of me, the here and now. I did not see nor appreciate the opportunities being given me.I wanted my destiny back!
Anger prevented me from accepting the what is and fully engaging myself in my training. Had I done so, it would not have taken me the many attempts to pass the pathology specialty boards as it did. Life would’ve been so much easier for me and my family had I embraced the opportunities.
Following my residency, I did hematopathology fellowship training at the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology in Washington DC, a very prestigious program, with many prestigious names in the field of pathology. It was during this training when I began to accept my destiny, embracing the here and now. I started seeing it in a new way. Interestingly I began to enjoy my job, finding it less difficult than it had been. I began having fun.
After a 20 year career in pathology, my multiple sclerosis had progressed to the point even the low physical demands were becoming physically taxing. After a three year battle to save my job, I took a forced federal disability retirement. Again, I failed to see the opportunities presented. I did not embrace my new destiny. Once I finally did, I began to enjoy my new life. I began having fun.
Today - my here and now - I am a full time at home dad to five kids, ages 3 ½ - 20, spending my days with my children and working on taking care of my health. These are the moments I cherishing. Life could not get any better. THANK YOU
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